Loves Hope

LOVES HOPE

From the water’s edge you dashed your foot against a rock twice. The third time you had my full attention. I brushed the droplets of water from my eyes so that I could see you better. Still blinded by the Sun or your smile… You moved as if the water carried you from one end of the lake over to me… not quite in slow motion but slow enough that each flap of winged creatures, each speck of pollen could be seen with my naked eyes, all so beautiful dancing in the air. You were the image of Poseidon’s child, Arabian features trapped between this world and Greece. For a moment all things vanished in a blaze of white and golden clouds. I couldn’t move, still waiting for your first words to pierce my soul. I was too caught in the glory of you to realize you had already shared everything with me and when I remembered I finally knew you!

The Confessions

Confession 11 I love my partner. I would even say he’s one of the best things that has ever happened to me. But what I’m having trouble with after three years of being together is leaning him! We still argue about silly little things that tend to blow up and become much bigger than it ever should have. Strangely enough, I am sure that he cares greatly for me and he has proven his care and love for me, but at a price that I think is way too high. He has placed his own desires, will and esteem on the back burning. Now, before any of you decided to beat me up… hear me out! I never asked or implied or encouraged this behavior from him. The way in which he describes it goes as follows: Tony you have a very strong personality… I do! Tony you do not know how to just give in… True! Tony you can always argue a good case that makes people question their point… I do! So, am I a bad person because I can argue my points better? Am I a mean person because I look at other ways of approaching a situation? Is it my fault that he ask my opinion and when I provide it with additional feedback he doesn’t like it??? I'm just over us arguing about silly stuff… I just want him to be happy and I don’t know how to shut up and let him have the floor. I have to figure this out! Not sure how… Until next Confession

Talking is Killing my relationship!!!!!!!!!!!

One would think that Easter is a day to remember the grace of Jesus, the son of god, the carpenter, the prophet, or any other name you chose to call him. But one thing about today that I can honestly say… I do not feel like I’ve risen from the ashes. I do not feel like I have transcended into a better person. In fact I feel like shit today… I feel like I’m truly alone in this piss-hole of a world.

I have a partner and the past two and a half years have been hell for him. He deserves better than I am giving him… For some reason, I seem to be incapable of being a kind, loving and understanding person. So, let me share with you what I mean… You see, we always have moments of fun, but never real joy… I don't think we’ve ever had one week where we didn’t fight or have some kind of communications issue! "IS THIS NORMAL!?!!???"


Now, I like to ask myself if it’s all me and I honestly couldn’t say no or yes and neither can he… but I do know that he has a tender heart and it’s starting to harden. I know that I have to do something that I do not want to do, which is leave him! He is a good man, we just can’t figure out what works for us! This is most unfortunate, as I do love him… I am beat up inside and I am weakened because we are not supporting each other…