BEHIND THAT SMILE

I thought I had overcome the feeling of being weak, the feelings of not being more. I am still fighting with my stunted potential. I cannot help the feeling of helplessness. I am depressed and I do not know why. I have been thinking of killing myself for the last couple of years but never gave any real consideration to the thoughts until now. At first I thought I was just experiencing some low points in my life. But I have come to realize that I do not love myself.

This is most troubling, considering I always tell my friends to keep their heads up and be strong and here I am the one not being strong. I don't think any of my friends know how I really feel inside. I am being ripped apart piece by piece and I don’t know what to do about it. I have been having lots of sex without condoms and not caring… In fact I don’t think I’ve cared about much since mom (grandmother) died. But even now I believe that is an excuse to not come clean.

I have done so well lying to others about my feelings that I have fooled the fool! Myself! I don't know what to do, and I cannot say that I am not scare, because I am… I not scare of dying just dying alone. At least that is what I believe, and some how I have this idea that if I kill myself while I am love and have friends I will have died in a manner that matter? I don’t know it all sounds so crazy…

I truly believe there is someone inside me yelling, banging on the insides, and underneath all this body, this man who never grew up like a young man should is crowed and dying. He’s begging for help but no one hears him! I don’t even hear him, but I know he’s there because I see him from time to time when I look in the mirror. He's not that big and strong person that everyone thinks he is, he’s pretty weak, and pathetic! A sad person who lies to cover his pain!

Rock of stability

Everyone is looking for stability, and they all want you to be like a 'Rock'. The only problem with this is that 'Rocks' erode over time.

- Brain Salkowski

World Obama Videos

Obama and Home Land, Kenya



Obama Germany




Obama Japan

President - Elect Obama's old school in Indonesia

Indonesia

Election 2008

PRESIDENT


OBAMA


2008



On November 4th, 2008 at 11:01pm Eastern Standard Time, Senator Barack Obama became the first bi-racial, African-American President of The United States of America.

QUOTES

"...Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand..." (The Velveteen Rabbit)

A SAD DAY FOR J. HUDSON

TODAY IN CHICAGO... HUDSON'S MOTHER AND BROTHER WERE KILLED IN AN ATTACK. HUDSON'S NEPHEW IS MISSING AND BELIEVED THE MURDERER HAS THE LITTLE BOY. THE MURDERER IS THE BOYS FATHER THEY BELIEVE! HOW SAD!!!

MUSIC FOR THE SOUL! :) LOVE IT! :)

SINGLE LADIES!

THIS IS BEYONCES NEW SONG AND ITS HOT HOT HOT! THE DANCING AND MOVES, CRAZY! RIGHT!

**** ITS MY BIRTHDAY ****

ONE THOUGHT - ONE WORD - ONE ACTION - ONE WORLD - ONE PEACE

____AMERICA__LAND__OF__FEAR_____



what is the easiest way to get your population to conform to
to the ideas that you wish? As a Government, how do you reshape,
mold your population into the lambs that you want them to be?
How dose a Government take control, rule you, without force?

' ____I__KNOW__HOW____ '

Feed you an idea of freedome.
Tell you that money, capitalism matters most.
Build your dreams, of an American dream.
The dream of MONEY< POWER< the thing that rules all.

Now here is the fun part! They scare you! They Scare you!
They put fear in you. The fear of losing it all!
The fear of losing everything you own!
Those things, the things that own you now!

That's now you control a population of millions! Take what
they have, and put the fear of indigence on the table!

______DO NOT__LET__THE__GOVERNMENT__DO__THIS__TO__YOU______

____FIGHT__THE__FEAR____

MORE FAB-BU-LICIOUS OLYMPICS KIDS!

THESE GIRLS ARE SICKNING' & FIERCE'

Wishing On A Star

I love this song... Its from my childhood. Its one of the songs that make me smile and remember what life was like when I was 7 years old and the year my sister was born! I hope you enjoy it also.

AFTER THE RAIN

I love this group! *** LITTLE DRAGON ***
You should love it too! :)

POLITICS

Well, its almost election time and I know who I am voting for; do you?
I found this chip and thought it was interesting.

VIDEO OF THE WEEK!

This is a group called KOOP, introduced to me an an ole' girl I once knew! Please enjoy.

FUNNY VIDEO OF THE WEEK!!!

I LOVE THE OLYMPICS

What I Cannot See!

To the eyes of man go with them the hearts of others that they may control the fate of the world. It is in these times that we can only believe in that which we cannot see; we must have faith!

Faith is the spirit that surrounds us and is indeed true and everlasting. Man my build, heal, cure and comfort, but man cannot build, create, or conjure faith.

Faith resides within, and it is mans ability to believe -- that we develop our faith, and it is only then that our faith can be seen!

**** THE FIGHT WITHIN ****

I dont even know what to say about this... You tell me!

WHAT IS UP WITH RUSSIA ATTACKING GEORGIA?????

Why has Russia invaded a sovereign country??? Is this another Iraq type situation?

Amazing Olympians

Injured and still preforming, amazing!

Canadian Olympic Gear!

I really loved the fashion that I saw here! Love it! :) I hope you do too.
Just check out the really great and fantastic use of the Canadian Maple Leaf,
and how the designer incorporated it into Traditional Chinese symbols and such.

THE OLYMPICS

Here are some of my favorite snap-shots from the Olympics! :)

THE CALL

Today, August 5th. I cannot understand why my feelings are so diluted. I can remember a tear forming in my eyes. I could feel the frustrations of my isolation from my family; so far away but so near. There I was, just off from work and on my way home. My phone rang very soon after turning it back on; I answered.

My sister, which whom I haven't spoken with in nearly a year contacted me. You see this was an odd day. I worked that morning and the work day came and left as if not much effort was put into it. This day, as like a few days before, I turned off my mobile phone; not so much that I did not want to be reached, but more because it was nice to be unattached to the digital world.

My sister’s voice came across the phone, it was unfamiliar to me. I questioned the authenticity of her voice. "Who is this," I asked, in a firm yet uncompromising manner. "It is me, Bunny, your sister!" My sister... I thought. In a flash, I questioned why she would be calling me from the depths of the blue unknown. Blink! I was back to reality; "What can I do for you!" I uttered.

She did not take much time to responded, yet I could detect a moment of hesitation. It was if time had stopped and the moments that seconds had claimed to be their own were a lie… I know… I had just stolen one of those so very precious moments. I could hear her voice; her lips fixed themselves into the proper position to say... “Daddy is dead!”

After the first syllable fall from her lips, she let loose the words that our beloved father had died. I was jealous and angry that I could not go back in time and stop her from uttering those very painful, disturbing words. That sentence, the phrase that surely would kill me from the inside out and beyond, destroying the psyche of this fragile man.

My mouth laid open, my eyes red, my heart stopped, the sound of traffic became muffled then mute. My lips did not move, but some how words leaped from my tongue and spoke without asking. "What did you say," I asked! "I just wanted to tell you," my sister replied. "Would you like to speak to your cousin Shonda," she asked? Like that of lighting honed in on a target, I replied, "NO!"

IN MEMORY OF MY DAD - SAMUEL JOHNSON
1926 - 2008

THE DOCTORS IN!

Doctor who, has been a favorite character since the re-hash of the old series. I watched a few of the old episodes when I was younger, however, I couldn't get into it than. BUT THE NEW UPDATED VERSION IS AWESOME! :) Here is a clip form the season #1 finally. I hope you like it. :)

MAD WORLD

This I feel from time to time. There are days when I throw my hands to the sky and in side I'm SCREAMING WTF!? I had often wonder if anyone understand me or was I just MAD! in a MAD WORLD!

This video by Gary Jules, sums up how I feel and it makes me cry because I feel lost and un-savable like the world around me! I'm sad, in pain, with a fever that never seems to go away. In side we, me, I burn, perdition's brick road clearly in view. So, who can you salvage from the darkness!?!? certainly not me!

Cheap Media Parlor Tricks

At some point you have to ask... " what is the point " Ok, Yes, I do like Obama. But you have to ask yourself. Why do people fear him? Are they afraid of this skin color? Are they afraid of his ideas? Are they afraid of his (supposed) faith?

Why should we as Americans even care about Obama's faith, ethnicity, whether he's half black, half white, or even as suggested by many whom disavowed Obama as a black man because many believe him to be Arab! WHAT IS WRONG WITH HAVING A HALF WHITE-HALF ARAB PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES? Isn't that what this FRACKIN COUNTRY WAS BUILT ON?

This video shows just how stupid people are and can be. You can find a posting on other blogs that captures the same idea as here check it out. (Click Here) The Crucified Heart: Leave Obama Alone

---------- Barack Obama ----------

-------- TECHNO BOTS --------

***** DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME *****

DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME!

The PHILLY UPDATE!

Just chillin in Philly with this kat that I just met who seem to be cool people.
I cant way what his name is because I cant even spell. Nonetheless, I think I may
end up liking it here. I will keep you all posted. :)

The warm sun feels good beaming down on my feet & face. The wind,soft & cool,its prefect.Today,Detroit feels like the home I would never leave.

SEVEN (7) DAYS

I have seven days until I move to my new home in a new city. I will leave behind friends, family, and a life that I have enjoyed for many years. I have spent many of my last and few days remaining in Michigan with friends, and I have enjoyed every moment. Its been nice to see people smiling and happy that I am taking a leap to try something new and exciting. I have three more days of work, then off to see my family and other friends in a town called Ann Arbor before I leave. Wow... Seven days to go. Tomorrow... well actually today I will visit moms grave... I was going to wait until the anniversary of moms passing, but I figured that day and hour would be used best for my departure date and time. So, in Seven days one hour, twenty minutes, I will be leaving and starting a new chapter of my life. Who knows, maybe the next chapter after that will be in your town?

FRESH CUT HAWK!

What's in a hair cut? Is it just an expression of ones artistic side or is it an expression of something else; something deeper? I'd like to say, its a bit of both.

We get up, dress ourselves and do our hair, brush our teeth and clean our bodies. If there were no other people around would we do the same? Well, I'm convinced we would. You see, I've recently decided that I wouldn't care what people thought of how I dressed and do my hair. I think this brings about a level of freedom within that can only come from doing something that is completely off the chart. Yes, I love to crack all the so-called norms.

So, yes, I cut my hair into this "MOE-HAWK" (pun) knowing very well that it would get me the attention that I so desperately crave! :) Who knows, maybe they will revive the TV series (A-Team) and call me to play a hotter version of Mr. T.; one can only hope!

From the mirror to our eyes

In to the hearts of others does go the light from your heart.
What you breathe we exhale. What you love we desire, what you give we take and what we have become is the image of your works, from your mirror to our eyes!

Excited Sadness!

I am excited. I am excited that I am moving, however, my happiness and excitement has some at a cost; the happiness of those whom I call friend. I try to remind myself that I am not moving to far away, but deep down inside I know that even thirty minutes away can change the interactions of even the closest of friends. So, with all the excitement that I've felt today and days pass it comes at a cost... that being sadness, knowing that I'll miss those I truly care for and beyond.

I'M MOVING TO PHILLY

Yesterday was a crazy day for me. I had and array of events that happen that triggered something inside me. As random as it my seem, yesterday afternoon I decided that I was moving to Philadelphia, PA. How I came to this decision was equally as random as the events that preceded my decision.

event one:
I eat at a restaurant that I said I would never eat at again. lesson, never say never.

event two:
I took a route to work that I do not take. lesson: faith? who knows.

event three:
I came upon something in the middle of the street; a service drive off the freeway. It was a dog laying down and it looked like he was chewing on something. The something that the dog was chewing on was still alive and moving. I honked the horn of my work van and it frighten the dog and it drop what it was chewing on. The brown and black thing was still moving as I got out of the van to investigate. The dog still standing near by eye transfixed on the wet marble colored object flailing like a fish out of water. I take caution approaching the dogs meal and dogs are know to attack if hungry enough.

I got a bit closer and the dog ran off and stood in the tall grass. I crowed down to get a closer look, and to my surprise it was not a meal that I presumed the dog was eating, but rather, he the dog was a confirmed she. Laying in the middle of the service drive was her new-born pup, eyes still closed, umbilical cord still attached. From what I could tell he was only a day or two old at most.
To the best of my knowledge mom came back for her pup and I moved on with my day. what could have happened if I had taken my usual path???

Why Stereotype or be Superficial?

Stereotyping is a bad thing, being superficial is another bad thing, and if most people can avoid those two things, I believe we would be much better off.

Look at it this way, if we are not being either of those two things, that's being superficial or stereotyping each other we can get down to what is important, like deciding on where we are going to eat tonight, or what movie we are going to watch and best off all but not last is the great hug and comfort you get from having a good friend to share your time with.

Friendship...

I love meeting new people. I've recently, this year met a few people that I have come to care about. It would seem that we have developed a friendship and it appears go be growing. I enjoy talking to them both and wish that they were near or vice verse. I would say that the relationship between both people make me very happy. The both help me deal with this world and the other creatures that live here.

One of the buddies, I will call him Buck, has a great mind, fantastic in the way he phrases words. He's a good guy with a good heart, but I sometime feel that something is missing when we talk. I can feel his bad days and awkward events. I am sad sometime when we speak because I feel that I cannot help him, because he is so far from me. Yes, I am aware that just talking can heal many wounds, but there are somethings that a phone call, internet chatting, video phoning will not heal. Some place in the back of his mind, he knows that I am not near and although my words my comfort; they do not heal.

Its crazy, but sometimes you just need a hug... Not from the people around you, not from mom, not from dad, brother or sister. Sometimes you just need that hug from your friend! You need a hug, a smile, the sound of their voice accompanied by the breath that gave those words meaning. Warm blood pumping from a heart that cares for his friend... That is what I need... That is what I want... and I will wait to get it!

- Republicans or Democrats -

I had to ask myself if there were other candidates for President that I would vote for other than Barack Obama. Before today, I would have told you "no, there are no other candidates I would consider." I knew that Ron Paul existed, I knew that he had a message, but what I didn't know was exactly what Ron Paul's message was.

I've been reading a little bit about Mr. Paul and I have to say that the man with two first names doesn't seem so bad... Yes, we all know that Ron Paul is a Republican. But what does that mean--to be a Republican? If it means having a plan for this country The United States. If it means bringing home the soldiers that protect us from harm, and not just from Iraq but from around the world. If it means restoring dignity to this great country. If it means bringing about national medical coverage, if it means smaller Government, if it means returning to diplomacy than I guess I may be a Republican.

It's sad that I've spend many years of my life thinking that Liberals were better... Well, not completely, but it seemed like liberals were for me, fighting the good fight, bringing justice to the weak, the minority, and the poor. I'm not gullible, I'm not that naive person that only watches local TV news and compares that to the rest of the world.

The odd thing is that for some reason I feel naive today, I felt like a secret had been kept from me and all it took was a New York Times article and Youtube to bring this little secret called Ron Paul to light. So, no, I'm not a Republican and I'm not a Democrat either, I'm a man on a mission very much like the man that I've recently discovered; Mr. Ron Paul.


WATCH THE VIDEO BELOW AND FIND OUT ABOUT RON PAUL FOR YOURSELF. WHO KNOWS, MAYBE HE'S COULD BE OBAMA'S VP??? TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK.

- OPTIMISTIC -

Hold open our eyes - for what we see as being so clear is only meant to hind the truth from us.

But I say to you, hold open your eyes to what must be done; that being, you must learn the truth.

Carry with you the only hope you have, that being optimism.

Optimism is the key; this is the means to which we must travel, and on our journey, it is our optimism that will unlock the truth behind all closed doors.

Our eyes are not yet open, veiled by worldly goods and lies of a better way of life.

Yet I remain optimistic, I attempt to use my key to unlock all closed doors. Stay true to your path, for what lies within is deceit and mistrust.

There are those who would squander or even deplete this precious resource which is needed to find the truth, and it is for this very reason that I sleep each night with my optimistic key tucked beneath my pillow.

Mindless Fiends

MINDLESS FIENDS


Just a joke or so it seemed,

they flew out into the night like demons or fiends

A group of many we fought upon one,

he had not a chance soon it would all be done.

Beating him down with joy and grace,

you could see the rage within our face.

Kick after kick, blow after blow,

on the ground again he goes.

As one whom stood by and did not a thing,

I had the nerve to feel no shame.

With all me strength my power and my might

I was so helpless to stop such a crazy “Fight”……….

In The Name Of!

I am surprised to see so many responses to what people have said here, this is most interesting to me considering the topics of which people here discuss.

What does it mean to make a statement that is profound? How does this change us as individuals? Do we believe if we say something that appears to be profound that it will change our thinking, or are we every bit as ignorant as we were when we started? How do we find the strength to protest what we believe is wrong, yet we fail to rise to a worthy challenge? Why is it that everyone else’s cause becomes our cause and only those who see themselves as virtuous attempt to aid those who are in a false sense of need?

We talk about God as if he/she was running water. We us God’s name to justify our actions, and we speak in Gods place as if we really have in inkling of what the Lord really wants from us. Did it every occur to anyone that maybe God wanted us to learn things for ourselves, that maybe God provided us with all the tools we would ever need to learn about him/her? It is so easy for us to speak on the behalf of the Almighty, reason being, we are afraid to speak for ourselves.

“The Lord said don’t do this, don’t do that, but to do this and to do that.” We speak with such certainty in Gods name and perform some of the most horrific acts in under the banner of righteousness; how can we? What powers have the Lord bestowed upon us that we, his/her/it’s children could ever comprehend what it is like to be omnipotent?

The question here isn’t who or what do you believe in, nor is it, what can God do for us, or help us with. The answer is, God gave us all strength, durability, heart, spirit, mind, and most importantly, choice. It is these things that are the greatest gift any one could ever ask for or want. Use what was given to us wisely, for it is not in our nature to naturally acknowledge our weakness, rather it is to deny them. Moreover, if we accept and learn from our weaknesses, it will make us invincible and that will be the greatest tool for good this world will ever see.

- Endless Future II -

My passion for you is as deep as the deepest ocean.
My love for you carries me over mountains and into
the terrain of your heart. Your light brightens every
dark hour I've ever had. You contain the seeds of life
that allows us to grow. We both water the flowers of
our friendship. We past nothing nor take anything for
granted. My one time, lifetime, everything, friend. I take
all that you supply and give all that I'm able. I put side
my fears with your help. I break down wall so that we
can see. With your help, I will always be free, never
alone as far I the human soul can see.

- Endless Future -

I will hear you! Time, over time, over time, over time, and again.
When my nights are your days and your days are my nights.
I will stand at the shores and hear you through turbulent seas.
Your voice will reach my conscious soul and unconscious mind.
I will awake standing at the gates of our friendship with hands
open, awaiting your arrival. For our timeless days has just begun.

EnFree

- EnFree -

The Dead Can Dance fills my head with thoughts of freedom,

freedom of what I ask myself. Because I know that in the

company of my mind, I can never truly be free. So the Dead

Can Dance on.

- Love, Why? -

I think we all hope to obtain love some day and hopefully by someone that truly loves us back. But, how can we ever be sure that the one we believe to be the love of all love is in deed that true love. Why do we want it so bad? The answer is, love can lift, motivate and remove burdens. Love can also crush, destroy, and even cause us to kill. So, why is it that we try so hard to find this ever elusive feeling; this thing that is the end all purpose of mate-dom.

I can say with certainty that I’ve been a fool for love and without the gratifying ending that so many Hollywood films depict. You know the one I'm talking about--with the loving couple that reunite at the end and live happily-every-after. In my mind, it would be the most spiteful of all jokes if the Gods placed love among us for their own personal entertainment. Can you imagine those narcissistic bastards sitting among the heavens watching us rip each other apart, beg for their help to find some reason to fall in love once more and repeat that cycle all over again? So I say; love, Why?

Our island

ATTENTION PEOPLE OF THE WORLD. THOSE OF YOU WHO ARE SICK AND TIRED OF BEING SICK AND TIRED OF LIVING IN A WORLD THAT OFFERS ONLY GREED, ENVY, PAIN, SUFFERING, AND THE ILLUSION OF LOVE OR HAPPINESS.

PACK UP! WE CAN ALL LEAVE NOW. COME TO OUR ISLAND. BRING NO TV'S, RADIO'S BRING NO TECHNOLOGY. BRING YOUR INTELLECT, YOUR BOOKS, YOUR LOVE, YOUR CARE, YOUR OPEN MIND, AND YOUR HEART. WELCOME HOME

work work work!!!

Hey well, it's another day in the little world that is me! :) I have to say that there are a few things that really make me happy. First would be a very cool person that I've met and he's a good guy with an fantastic smile and fabulous sense of humor; YEAH HIM! :)

Anyway, I've been off from work for nearly three months due to some recovery time. But its time to return to the pits of work! Well, maybe not pit, but you get the point. I thought I would have started off with some lite work, but I didn't. I not only started working at my old job, but I went out and got a second job.

Yes, I know some of you may be thinking, "why?" While, I have a goal. That goal is to look at places around the world as a possible destination, a place to live either long-term or short-term. So, I must work like the little/big bee that I am an pay off bills, pay down my debt, and become free of the financial bounds that hold me captive! lol.

I figure by fall of 2009 if I keep to my schedule I'll be at least half down the road that I want. And to make things a bit more exciting, I'm going to a walking adventure , with the another goal of walking off some weight to become a healthier person. Although the salami & cheese sandwich with potato chips this morning didn't help... haha...
journal

Close Your Eyes

I close my eyes. I cannot see. I put one foot out in front of the other. I can feel the ground beneath me. I can feel something inside of me. Its the feeling of fear, accompanied by excitement and the butterflies in my belly. Its the unknown, you see... No, you don't. But you could. Just close your eyes and walk down your hallway. Close your eyes and try to move and object from one place to another. I really enjoy the sight of no-sight. I love the feeling, the tingle of life that this exercise provides. I think I'm going to keep these feelings, bottle them up, and open them when ever I need that tingling sensation of life!

The Loop!

Now that you've gotten yourself out of bed, walked to the bath room, jumped out of the shower, dressed yourself for work. You had your super quick breakfast or none at all. You head to your 9 to 5, smoke break when you can, time to go, fought the traffic home. You zapped your microwave dinner and stressed over your bills. Now watching American media that lies to you. You watch the commercials that tell you are ugly or fat or stupid or have a small penis or inject this poison into your forehead it will remove winkles.

'NEW FLASH,' the microwave food you just ate has Ecoli. You freak, you try to write down the lot number the News caster announced. You call your physician that you can't afford, because your 9 to 5 doesn't cover Ecoli. You stress even more because now all the hard work that you put into your 9 to 5 seems like a waste, because now your going to die before you can spend it all. For a brief moment you forget about the Ecoli announcement and you ponder who will end up with your money.

Now you feel really sick, and the walls are closing in, and you can't seem to breathe. The lights seem a little darker, and the TV sounds a little less audible, and your stomach seems to bubble and churn. Your faith... Oh, your faith seems to be the only way out. So you pray and you pray and you pray, and you pass out~

You wake many hours later and its morning. You are on the floor where your meal is glued to your face and the acid from your belly leaves the soft flesh of your cheeks sensitive; tender. You don't feel so good, but you get up, go to the bath room, jumped out of the shower, dressed yourself for work, had your super quick breakfast or none at all, you head to your 9 to 5, and you start all over again!

The World We Wish

The world can be a crazy and mad place to live in. The world around us challenges even the strongest and most noble of warriors. Many with the best of intent have tried to change the world and their attempts have been met with opposition, criticism, and even anger. Men and Women alike have put their best foot forward to achieve a world of reason. Many visionaries have perished, but not before sowing the seeds of the next generation of visionaries.

These new children of the world are faced with even more adversity than their predecessors. Todays children are born into a world of greater greed, war, global domination, and opportunities that distract them from the truth. This new front in which todays youth are challenged carries a burden unlike that of their fathers, which is all the more reason to be on their guard. For the children of today, the same sword that they wield in battle would be their undoing.

It is unto the children of today--that the fate of our people, our world, hang in the balance. So, who will stand with you? Who will face the guillotine to save the world from itself? Who will melt the world in their hands and to mold it into a world we wish to live in?

CHICAGO FANCY FOOD SHOW

I'm in Chicago weekend to meet BOBBY FLAY and attend the Fancy Food Show.
I hope to fine tones of new products, make connections, and hopefully
get some new ideas on how to develop, open, and manage a new business.
So, wish me much needed luck. So, I'll post some cool pics from the food
show and my weekend trip to Chicago~ :)

later,

What is in the words of a song?

I have been blown away today. I don't think I can fully express what I experienced. I was searching for some music on a LA public radio station; KCRW. I usually listen the the archived Aaron Byrd show. A few weeks ago, there was a song by the group Little Dragon. During my search I came across this song and its video, which literally made me cry! I don't know how to explain it, but if you watch the video, watch it alone with no distractions, preferably with head-phone on.

Technology

I love technology. Today I just installed a bunch of new crap in my computer/laptop,
particularly my FireFox browser.
I can now not only blog from my cell phone! but I can now blog from my
FireFox browser window! :) yeah... :)

WHAT IS BEAUTY

Have you ever wondered why people find us attractive?
Have you ever wondered why we ignore the compliments they give us?
Have you ever wondered why we don't take their compliments serious?

Why is that?
Why can't we take what someone truly meant as a compliment and hold it,
bask in it, believe in it.

Why is that so hard for us to do?
Why can't we just accept the graciousness that others have provided.

what are we afraid of?

Are we afraid that if we reciprocate it will send a false message?

WHAT ARE WE FUCKIN' AFRAID OF?

We tend to not see what they see. We tend to reject what they "claim" to be
a fact for them.

We look at their remark with contempt, distrust, and utter bewilderment.

WE SUCK! WE SUCK BECAUSE WE CANNOT STAND OURSELVES. WE CANNOT BELIEVE THAT
SOMEONE WOULD FIND US ATTRACTIVE, THAT SOMEONE COULD ACTUALLY WANT US! WHAT
THE FUCK IS OUR PROBLEM? WHY IS IT SO HARD TO BE LOVED, OR BELIEVE THAT THE
PERSON THAT SAYS "You are beautiful" actually means it!

WE FUCKIN' SUCK! I FUCKIN' SUCK, & YOU FUCKIN' SUCK FOR NOT BELIEVING ME!

TAX DAY

Well it's that time of the year again when many people all across America are 'FREAKING' out about their taxes. I for one plan to take it up the 'ASS' with dignity this year. Why not... If you can't bet the Government, you may as well 'Let them fuck you good' and enjoy it!


So, sit back and let them 'ASS-RAPE YOU'.
'HAPPY TAX DAY ALL'.

The Discovery

Today I discovered that I may be a faun. Although, I lack the horns, and my body is not half goat; I feel very faun like today. Could I be goofy and say that I may be faun'ing over someone LOL... well either way, I type on my laptop as if it were my mystical flute and say unto you! discover the faun in you! You may have a better day or even week! :)

The photo is from another blogspot site... Please check them out. Great stuff.
YAXIN the FAUN

- THINK

"Be the change you wish to see in the world".

- Gandhi

OUT BIDDED AGAIN!!!!

Those "DANM" Ebayers who trick you into thinking that you are going to win the item that have spend hours and sometimes even days watching! ONLY to come in and steal your prise! I've had (3) bids stolen from me! Oh, well, I guess I need to be a bit quicker on the draw! ;)

AZZHOLE shopper!

Man, I was an asshole today. I can't even say that I didn't mean to be an asshole. Last night I when out shopping for an MP3 player. I started at Best Buy, one of the larger retail electronics store. I bought a Sony MP3 player. After opening the package and turning the device on; I realized it lacked one of the most important features I wanted -- that being an FM Radio.

I took the device back to Best Buy and purchased a different MP3 player. Best buy didn't have a case for the player. So, went shopping at a different larger electronics retail stores called Circuit City. I found a case that fit my player perfectly. The case was $9.99 plus tax. I got to the cash register and to my surprise the price was not the same as the tag. The new price, or correct price as the young lady stated was $15.99.

I told her the price was not correct, the tag says $9.99 and the tag is right there, which was not far from the register. She replied, 'I CANNOT LEAVE THIS AREA GO GET IT'. Now I have been shopping for many years I do not ever recall being told by the staff of a store that I'm shopping in to go and get a tag for an item I want to purchase in a nasty way!

I flipped... needless to say, I didn't purchase the case and left Circuit City feeling empty and agitated by my experience. DO NOT SHOP THERE!

:) oh well.

2 Cook or Not 2 Cook

I've had a bit of a problem deciding on a few things in my life as of late. Well, actually I've had this problem for sometime now. You see, I love to cook. It's a passion of mine. I even started a small catering business so I could cook more often.


where the dilemma for me is that I want more. I believe I would be better suited to cook delicious foods from the top of a grill. I would love to serve meals including breakfast, mid-dinner, and dinner etc. to my "clientel". I would love to make "en-expensive" high quality dishes that have an ornate take on food through a fusion of American & Pan-Asian cuisine. :) Thats would I would like!

The photos are from Chef Louie's World Class Restaurant - TAKA GRILL. If you would like to see more of her fantastic cuisine check out her site.
CLICK HERE

Meaningless Sex or Good Ole' Masturbastion?

I have had meaningless sex before. I am not proud of my actions but I have had a one night stand. Yes, I will admit, I enjoyed it, it felt great. However, there is a downside to that type of fun. I had to deal with either me being at some persons place that I did not know or some one being at my place that I did not know.

So here in lies the problem and discomfort after the "ALL WONDERFUL FEELING OF CLIMAX" was dissipated. The thoughts of "was I safe enough." I may have warn a condom, but there are other STD's that a comdom will not protect you from. I never considered myself to be a "whoe."



In my mind I felt that I was a man and we all have needs that need to be fulfilled. However, masturbation wasn't on the table as a viable alternative until recently. I have been tested for HIV just about every years and often throughout the year just so that I would know my status in case it changed. I have been blessed that I am negative. Some of my friends have not been so lucky and they are dealing with something that has completely changed their lives.

So, my only option until I find a suitable mate is to MASTURBATE! I actually think masturbation is good for you. You don't have to worry about who's bed your in or who's in your bed. You don't have to worry about STD's. You don't have the thoughts of depression that may occur after a ONE NIGHT STAND! And for the most part, masturbation is very human.



It is a part of our nature and our wellbeing. Some people think that masturbation is wrong and a sin against the Heavens. Well am not going to attempt to weight the level of any sins against the heavens, but in my eyes, sleeping around isn't good for anyone.

I think that in the past some of us, we, and even me, have slept around thinking that we were going to find love, instead of looking or finding love first. Sexual emotions can be very strong. And it is those very emotions that we have to keep in check. Not just for the safety of our vessels, but for the safety and wellbeing of our minds.

So, I choose to masturbation until I find that person that will love me for me, and cherish the life that we can build together. I may not always be successful, but I will solider on in my endeavor to better my body, my mind, and ultimately my soul.

Chinese HOT POT!

I had friends over for dinner yesterday (Sunday, March 30th)for Chinese Hot Pot. Hot Pot is a fantastic meal to have with a group of people. Simple put, its a big pot of boiling broth in the middle of the table and tons of vegetable, meat, and seafood dishes surrounding the pot. When the pot reaches a boil, you add the food from the dishes into the broth. The foods cook quickly. Pull the food out of the pot and start eating.



Dinner was a great success. We ate until we could eat another bit. :) Now thats the type of eating I love! Plenty Veggie, good meats, and fantastic seafood. If any of you are interested in having your own HOT POT, let me know and I will give you the basics of what you need to get it going. HOT POT works for most any type of foods! :)



Heres a picture of me and a few friends after dinners :) take care everyone and enjoy the week. :)

Tony's Fantastic Meal of the Week!

O.K., Boys and Girls, heres a great breakfast/brunch dish that looks awesome as taste even better! I do hope you like what you see, if you want the recipe just let me know and I will provide details. :)

Sausage & Eggs done my way.



- Bottom layer: herb eggs scrambled
- Middle layer: seasoned fresh sausage mixed with vegetables
- Middle layer: sauteed spinach, peppers, onions, carrots, in teriyaki sauce.
- Topped with another layers of herb eggs and garnish, circled by a ring of white wine sausage gravy. YUM! The one great thing about this dish, is it can be made with beef, chicken, seafood, or just sauteed veggie. I hope you enjoy! :)

My Day Trip!

Today is my day trip. You may be asking yourself where did I take a day trip to. Well, I decided that I would take a day trip to Chicago and walk about town eating good food taking pictures of shops and eateries. I have to admit, even tho the day is half over I'm still enjoying every moment of sunlight, warmth, and the rubbling of the L-trains.

I've had a good breakfast, good coffee, a fierce latte, a fabulous lunch of pad thai and now I'm seeking dinner. I'm not sure what I'll have, but there is one thing I am sure about... I'm pretty damn sure I'm going to enjoy it! :)

Well, until next time. Happy trails from my day trip, reporting live from Chicago, IL.

The person inside?

What "type" of person are you?
Do you know and if not, what
type of person do you think
you are?

- The Consumer?
- The Involved?
- The Uninvolved?
- The Happy One?
- The Optimist?
- The Pessimist?
- The hopeless romantic?
- The cynic?
- The believer?

There are so many more things
we could be. But ask yourself,
what type of person do you
believe you are. Take a good
long look in the mirror and
see whats inside of you.

Favorite Chinese Singer - Aaron Kwok - Cantonese Version!

This is one of my favorite Chinese Singers of all time, Aaron Kwok. I only speak Mandarin and do not understand Cantonese, but I love this song so much. I couldn't find the mandarin version so we will have to live with the Cantonese version which is still pretty nice. :) I hope you enjoy it.

Video Of The Week!

I dedicate this Song & Video to the following people.

- Karthik. Windsor Canada
- Samy. Constantine Algeria
- Anoop. Detroit Michigan USA
- Allan. Ampung Malaysia
- Neil. London UK
- Christoph. Munich Germany
- Ben. Sydney Australia
- Valeria. Detroit Michian USA
- Roozbeh. Tehran Iran
- Sepehr. Dexter Michigan USA
- Sui Lin. Livonia Michigan USA
- Ian. Canton Michigan USA

You are all awesome people in my life, family and friends.

Anime of the Week

Princess Mononoke is one of my favorite anime of all time. This is the story of a young boy (Ashitaka) who lives in a village that has been over run by some sort of demon creature.

The demon creature attacks the village. The Ashitaka kills the creature, but not before the creature infects his arm with demon spores. The Ashitaka leaves his village for the safety of his people and to seek a cure for the demon spore.

Ashitaka's encounters many new faces, and foes, on his journey. Moreover, Ashitaka, discovers the source of all the destruction and the demon creature itself. I hope you enjoy watching this movie it is awesome. :)

NoRooz

In harmony with the rebirth of nature, the Iranian New Year Celebration, or NOROOZ, always begins on the first day of spring. Nowruz ceremonies are symbolic representations of two ancient concepts - the End and the Rebirth; or Good and Evil. A few weeks before the New Year, Iranians clean and rearrange their homes. They make new clothes, bake pastries and germinate seeds as sign of renewal.

Of course you may be wondering why I am posting NoRooz on my blog. I mean, I couldn't be Iranian? Right? Well, to tell you the truth, I have an Iranian Family. And I will be celebrating NoRooz - Persian New Year with my Father, Mother, & younger Brother. My other Brother is back home in Iran getting prepared for his wedding in July, which my younger brother and I will be attending. So, Yes, a wonderful Persian family decided that they loved me so much that they kept me! :) So, back to the Holiday.



The photo that you see is of me sitting in front of a table full of food and other things call Haft-Seen. I better description: A ceremonial table called Sofreh-e Haft Seen (cloth of seven dishes), name of each dish beginning with the Persian letter Sinn. The seven dishes stand for the seven angelic heralds of life-rebirth, health, happiness, prosperity, joy, patience, and beauty. There are different ways to set up your Haft-seen, but ours consist of fruit/apple, candles, fish, wheat/lentil, eggs, Holy book, a mirror, and or photos of family member who are not present or recent passed.

So, I hope you have learned something about Persians and I hope this will interest you to the point that you may want to read and learn about Persian culture, history and Iranian people. :) Take care. Happy Holiday.

Better Today!

Today was fun. I had lunch with my mom & shopped for food, I even got the last of my staples removed. Surgery doesn't feel so bad today!

Missing The Letter "JAY"

Its good to know that you are fine, calm, and in a reality that works for you. This is only an observation and the photos lend no validity to any thing I've said, but I would hope that it is true, and that your photos reflect my comments, that being happiness, joy, excitement, passion, and artistic love.

You look happy. I like to see you happy. I have thought of you. Time passes so quickly and we get so wrapped up in our life that we sometimes miss the small things that kept us entertained - the things that meant something, the electricity that popped when you walked into a room.

You are by far more than simple entertainment. You were always more. I remember some of the evenings we shared... they were nice, warm, inviting. We were calm. We didn't know what to do with each other. The excitement was fun, the unknowing was trilling; I miss that about you, about us.

Time has been both friend and a cruel master of our years. But I know that in time, we will see each other again; either in this life or the next. But until than, I guess I'm stilling missing the letter "jay" from my alphabet.

Why Do We Ingore The Pain

Pain is what pain does. That means pain's purpose is to hurt. I'd like to think that pain has a different purpose. But pain's purpose is to alert us of the things that are wrong around & within us. Pain is to let us know when we need to attend to something.

Pain is the ultimate guardian that warns us to take care of that which is scraped, banged-up,or broken. For too long we have ignored the things that pain us. We ignore what our bodies, our surroundings and evening our psyche complains to us about. Some of us, pop a few pills to mask what is really ailing us.

We ignore the pain of the heart just to keep a relationship that does not work and causes more harm than good. Some of us ignore the pain of other, we simply walk by and do nothing - sometimes thinking to ourselves, "I have my own pains". But one of the most troubling things, we ignore the signs of pain from our very own world -- We simply allow governments to say we need resources - resources that destroys our drinking water, the air that we breathe and the land upon which we live. The big question really isn't about the pain. The real question is, Why do we allow it to happen?

If you love to travel let me know! Here are some of the places in the world that I've been able to visit. There are hundreds more places that I would love to visit. If you have any suggestions regarding new and exciting place for me to visit, leave me a comment here! Thank you!

• Create your own travel map or travel blog


• Visit TripAdvisor.com