Sunday, April 8, 2012
One would think that Easter is a day to remember the grace of Jesus, the son of god, the carpenter, the prophet, or any other name you chose to call him. But one thing about today that I can honestly say… I do not feel like I’ve risen from the ashes. I do not feel like I have transcended into a better person. In fact I feel like shit today… I feel like I’m truly alone in this piss-hole of a world.
I have a partner and the past two and a half years have been hell for him. He deserves better than I am giving him… For some reason, I seem to be incapable of being a kind, loving and understanding person. So, let me share with you what I mean… You see, we always have moments of fun, but never real joy… I don't think we’ve ever had one week where we didn’t fight or have some kind of communications issue! "IS THIS NORMAL!?!!???"
Now, I like to ask myself if it’s all me and I honestly couldn’t say no or yes and neither can he… but I do know that he has a tender heart and it’s starting to harden. I know that I have to do something that I do not want to do, which is leave him! He is a good man, we just can’t figure out what works for us! This is most unfortunate, as I do love him… I am beat up inside and I am weakened because we are not supporting each other…