Sunday, November 23, 2008


I thought I had overcome the feeling of being weak, the feelings of not being more. I am still fighting with my stunted potential. I cannot help the feeling of helplessness. I am depressed and I do not know why. I have been thinking of killing myself for the last couple of years but never gave any real consideration to the thoughts until now. At first I thought I was just experiencing some low points in my life. But I have come to realize that I do not love myself.

This is most troubling, considering I always tell my friends to keep their heads up and be strong and here I am the one not being strong. I don't think any of my friends know how I really feel inside. I am being ripped apart piece by piece and I don’t know what to do about it. I have been having lots of sex without condoms and not caring… In fact I don’t think I’ve cared about much since mom (grandmother) died. But even now I believe that is an excuse to not come clean.

I have done so well lying to others about my feelings that I have fooled the fool! Myself! I don't know what to do, and I cannot say that I am not scare, because I am… I not scare of dying just dying alone. At least that is what I believe, and some how I have this idea that if I kill myself while I am love and have friends I will have died in a manner that matter? I don’t know it all sounds so crazy…

I truly believe there is someone inside me yelling, banging on the insides, and underneath all this body, this man who never grew up like a young man should is crowed and dying. He’s begging for help but no one hears him! I don’t even hear him, but I know he’s there because I see him from time to time when I look in the mirror. He's not that big and strong person that everyone thinks he is, he’s pretty weak, and pathetic! A sad person who lies to cover his pain!

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Rock of stability

Everyone is looking for stability, and they all want you to be like a 'Rock'. The only problem with this is that 'Rocks' erode over time.

- Brain Salkowski

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Election 2008




On November 4th, 2008 at 11:01pm Eastern Standard Time, Senator Barack Obama became the first bi-racial, African-American President of The United States of America.


"...Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand..." (The Velveteen Rabbit)