Friday, April 30, 2010
Persians are more than a part of my life, they are now a part of my soul. I have been blessed to be part of a Persian family. Persian traditions have become a part of my daily life and I am not sure how I ever lived without them, its as if I was born into the wrong family. I must admit - my Farsi is horrible but I am working on it and someday I will truly be able to communicate like a real Persian. So, today I will introduce you to Sangak. It is a bread made in a stone hearth and it is one of the most amazing tasting breads you will ever come across.
This is the Story of the Bread Masters of the Sangak by: Ali Moayedian. Every morning when we woke up, there it was; fresh Sangak bread from the local bakery. My father, who is in his 80s, and still faithfully taking care of his children, would walk to the bakery every morning and buy the fresh bread for us. The sight of fresh Sangak was but one of the things that made our last August trip to Iran a memorable.
Sangak is one of the main traditional breads in Iran. It is made in a gas fired brick oven. The baker, called Shater in Iran, will mix make the dough every day and usually makes the bread three times daily starting in the early mornings.
During our previous trip to Iran in summer of 2002, I had paid a visit to the local bakery with my father and taken pictures from the place and the Shater. This time around, equipped with a better camera, I mentioned to my father that we should take more pictures from the bakery. And without wasting any time, the next morning he had promised the Shater that I'd be there to take pictures J And from that day on, my father pressed me every day that we should go do it. But somehow things wouldn't work out and I kept pushing the plan to the next day.
As we kept closer to our departure date, my father kept reminding me every day about the photo shoot. He was really worried the Shater may become unhappy with him. And believe me you want to be in good standing with high profile people like the Shater in Iran. When it comes to Sangak, one cannot take these things lightly as it is one of the critical lifelines for the Iranians. What we are talking about is a steady and high quality flow of Sangaks, and with occasional splashing of sesame seeds!!
So finally I gave in and the last day of our trip we made the historical visit to the Sangak bakery. It seemed time hadn't moved since my last trip there five years earlier. The faithful Shater was still going and going. While in our high tech jobs we keep jamming more transistors on chips every year, and we keep shrinking the geometries, the Sangak was still the same old Sangak. It hadn't grown or shrunk. But the looks and the aroma were still as great as ever.
I chatted with the Shater a bit too. He said his name is Hassan Sabahi (I hope I have it right since I waited so long to write this). He then said, very proudly, that recently they had shot videos of his bakery to show abroad. But since he was really busy, I had to minimize the interruption. I took some pictures which I promised him to publish them on the internet. We then left happily with a few fresh Sangaks which I can promise you we put to good use with feta cheese and sour cherry jam J As they say in Iran: "wish you were there too!"
In loving memory of Iraj Entezari - Love you Daddy... You are always in my heart.
Sunday, April 25, 2010
I can hear the buzzing loud music from my alarm clock. I was already awake but I lied in bed longer than I should have. I looked over and the Alarm clock – read – 8:24am. I dreaded the idea of actually making it to my ten o’clock meeting.
Today was unlike most days… I woke up with butterflies in my belly. This usually happens when I know something was wrong or when I know that I was in trouble. I tried to relive this feeling of anxiety with a cup of coffee and it has about as much effect as a Band-Aid on a bullet hole.
I didn’t bother to wash-up, I just brushed my teeth. I jumped into my car and drove off an hour and twenty minutes earlier than I should have. 9 o’clock – I made it to my destination. I didn’t see their vehicles so I knew that I was early. I pulled out my keys and unlocked the door – I just wanted to have another look around before those so very final words would sit at the bottom of my belly along with the butterflies.
Two of my employees where already there… we spoke, I shook their hands and told them thank you. They looked surprised as if they didn’t know what I was telling them. It was true, they didn’t know. The door buzzer when off as someone new walked into the building; it was Jim, the founder.
With out words, I passed my keys and managers card over to him. He looked me in my eyes and said I’m sorry! I’m sorry that it had to end this way. You were the best we’ve ever had and it is unfortunate that it must end this way. Of course we will not dispute unemployment benefits for you… and it will go on your record as an indefinite layoff with a good reference for your next employers. I was mute and felt the sting of his word lash across my reality.
It was now clear… All the sounds around me came back into focus and I could finally discern the reality from the fiction playing in the foreground of my mind. I stood up not realizing that we had even sat down the talk. I bundled up my things and quietly walked out the front door wishing this morning hadn’t come. The rain made the moment even more surreal as slow moving clouds concealed the suns rays hampered my recovery. What did I miss!? How could I have been such a fool to not see the signs, I thought? It didn’t matter anymore. I had only one option left!
It’s funny how we always seem to turn back to God for comfort in our moments of pain, hurt, feelings of loneliness, or most importantly when we are lost! So, today I ask God, to help me through this period of being lost. I also ask that God provide me with a lesson from this failure and grant me the wisdom to not make the same errors in judgment again. I lastly ask that God show me a way, a reason to keep on moving ahead! Can you do that for me God??
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Today is a day of Earthiness... what does it mean? Well, I think it means that people around the world, for one day out of 365 days, decided not to trash the planet. Its good to remember that if we kill the planet - it means the end of us and all of its other inhabitants. So, lets have a little more Earthiness more often than just one day out of that 365!!!
Why are we so crazy when it comes to love? We meet people, share time with them then we bundle ourselves up with that person and call it a relationship! Why do we do it? Are we scared of being alone? Are we looking for a show-piece for our arms or are we seriously looking for companionship?
I’d like to think that it’s a bit of all of the above! I am really stupid! I have not been thinking straight. I have been looking for every excuse to not be with a great guy that anyone would want. I ignored the real reason why I didn’t want to be with him. But instead of telling him "ALL" of the truth. I let him say those three words - LETS BREAK UP -
I believe that I can finally tell the "Whole" truth and say – Yes! I was afraid. I was afraid that because we were in two different places when it came to our feelings about each other that I would kill the relationship. He is In-Love with me while I have love for him! Now you may ask yourself, what the hell does that mean - you only have love for him. Well, what it means is this: I like him a lot. I care for him and have feelings for him but I haven’t reached the state of being In-love with him yet!
I was concerned that I wouldn’t reach that stage since we have been together for several months and I haven’t fallen In-Love yet! So, I did the most predictable gay thing and broke it off with him because of my insecurities about my lack of complete love for him.
I did something even more wrong and hurtful… I tried to justify my reasons for not wanting the relationship by hiding behind a financial situation, the pain of loosing a cousin and the lost of my God Father; how stupid am I. I created the prefect disaster! I let him sail out on open seas right into the arms of my hurricane.
This big disaster is paramount and only trumped by the ignorance of its creator! How did I not see the underlining truth about my error in breaking up with my partner? It was bad enough that my partner asked me to give it a bit more time and see how I felt, but no, I didn’t want to hurt him and drag things on because it was uncomfortable, I told myself! DID I EVEN THINK ABOUT WHAT THE FUCK I WAS SAYING TO MYSELF! How stupid that must have sound to my mate! He offered up every thing in the book of love and I took none of them! I shot down every plan of action that could have saved us and my stupid ass!
I am a DICK! I was so busy being me that I never stopped to see about him when all the time I was supposes to be caring about his feelings; his heart! Today I couldn’t get him out of my head. Yesterday, I couldn’t get him out of my head. Even, now I can’t get him out of my head. Oddly enough - it was my ex boyfriend that seemed to have the answer I was seeking.
It was then that I realized that I didn’t want to loose him. I didn’t want to give up on us. I couldn’t give up on us. I was so afraid that if we gave it a shot and it didn’t work out that he could or would resent me for all the energy he invested in me and I don't think I could take that… I don’t think I could have been as brave and strong as he was.
I only hope that I haven’t done too much damage that things cannot be repaired. We must talk and come to terms with the differences between us. We must talk about what it is that each of us want from each other and how do we get there as a team. And I can only say that if he is willing to except where I am in my love for him and time give me time – I am beyond ready to except his hand and give us a chance at a beautiful life together.
Lets leaving all disasters in the wake of our sail.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Monday, April 12, 2010
How do we decide what is best for us or the people that we love! In life I do believe that there are second chances, and in some cases third chances to get things right. More importantly with these chances will we have actually done right by others!
I am in a state of flux! I'm at a turning point in my adult life, which requires me to not be selfish and think about the well-being of others. Its odd how we think we know what's best for ourselves and even others; but is that a truth? Is it the development of becoming more self-aware that provides this sense of self-awareness or is it just foolish grandeur of a bad mind?
Either way I pray that God who finger tip is the cosmos itself blessed me with the care, kindness, understanding, and will to do right by other and myself. I decide my fate. I decide the rest of what life will be like for me. By making this statement I accept all of my outcomes - I accept me, who I was, who I am, and who I will become!
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Haven sent me a rose. It was the most beautiful of all the roses that heaven had ever created. I had asked for this rose and I did everything in my power to obtain it! I was lonely, unhappy, and cold. I thought that if I prayed to the heavens that they would bless me; and so the heavens did.
A beautiful red rose appeared before me. The rose was like no other rose before it and it instantly loved me. The rose was kind to me, treated me with respect, and understanding. The rose gave and gave and gave much of itself to me - so much - that I was overwhelmed by its passion & love.
The rose loved and it loved me, but I did not share the same love that the rose had for me. I thought that I was ready – open – and mature for what I had asked for; but I wasn’t. Time kept pace with me and moved as quickly as sands pebbles through an hourglass, but my feeling for the rose did not develop more!
How do you tell something so beautiful that you love it - but - aren't 'IN LOVE' with it! This was my dilemma. I concealed my true feelings for the rose behind veiled eyes. But the rose was wise and full of spirit. One day the rose wanted to know if it was ok to ask me a serious question. I replied yes rose, ask what you may.
The rose sat up straight – looked me in my eyes. “Do you love me asked the rose?” Of course I love you rose, I asked the heavens for you! No, I so apologize said the rose – are you in love with me!
I had not told the rose my true thoughts hoping that time would fill in the love that was missing… I could not lie… I could not tell someone so beautiful, so kind, and so wonderful that I was not in love. I couldn’t… It was too hard. But the rose who had placed all of its love into me had not received the same passion and fire that it had given to me.
With soft velvet petals, the rose did caress me. From its greens leaf like fingers the rose did fan cool air upon my brow, and with thorns that are to protect, the rose did not harm me. The rose was gentle and loving for all the days we shared!
I… I never wanted to hurt the rose. The rose asked little of me… and here I was about to destroy all that the rose had hoped for and all that I had asked the heavens to provide me with. But I needed to be a man! I needed to tell the rose the truth. Yes, I did and do love the rose… I love you… Yes, I do… but I am not in love with you my dearest rose!
Friday, April 9, 2010
You are the pieces that make me hold. I am the outside that keeps you balanced. You are the center of my world, the yolk that I feed from. We are together never apart, where one cannot exist without the other.
I couldn't say this any other way, but I am ready for the unthinkable, the unbelievable and the incredible, where you are at the helm and I captain by your side.
I will take all that you can give and give all that you can take. We exist in spirit where the meaning of time exists only in the dreams of our creation. We are not bound by the rules of space and time where moments are taken forgathered. We feed upon each others growth and wisdom. We partake of each other, where mere words have the power to heal and cure.
We live among the all, but listen to nature. We do not ignore that voice that tells us life little secretes and we rejoice in the successes of our love by moving aside all failures.
May our lives be filled with love, trust, passion, true understanding and kindness for all our days! Please accept my hand, for with in my hand I hold my heart(the yolk)and you now hold that hand!
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
If you ever thought that an American occupation of a foreign country was scary - than you really need to watch this 18 minute video. In 2007 we made another of many bad decides that was caught on tape and leaked to the public three years later - on Monday 4/5/10 - This is exactly why the BUSH Administration should be hailed accountable for their crimes. This is absolutely unbelievable!