ITS VALENTINE'S DAY!

Its Valentine's Day Again, which is a day where every single person feels like crap! I like to think that the world is sending a message to singles saying - HEY! Your not worthy! That sucks and is completely not true, because I was one of those singles just a year and a half ago. I'm happy that I have a good mate in my life that is willing to deal with my craziness like no one else could.

So, since I have good love to pass around, I'll pass that love to the singles out there and with a little message from me to you. Guys & Girls, pick up a heart; your own. Life is noting more than moments that pass rather slowly. Savor each moment, for it is when we are not paying attention that time becomes our adversary and we lose track of it! Love more (yourself first), talk less, and listen intently. Always keep your minds eye open to the love that could be right in your face. Don't let the worlds idea of a prefect mate keep you from yours.

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!

The Prefect Disaster

Why are we so crazy when it comes to love? We meet people, share time with them then we bundle ourselves up with that person and call it a relationship! Why do we do it? Are we scared of being alone? Are we looking for a show-piece for our arms or are we seriously looking for companionship?

I’d like to think that it’s a bit of all of the above! I am really stupid! I have not been thinking straight. I have been looking for every excuse to not be with a great guy that anyone would want. I ignored the real reason why I didn’t want to be with him. But instead of telling him "ALL" of the truth. I let him say those three words - LETS BREAK UP -

I believe that I can finally tell the "Whole" truth and say – Yes! I was afraid. I was afraid that because we were in two different places when it came to our feelings about each other that I would kill the relationship. He is In-Love with me while I have love for him! Now you may ask yourself, what the hell does that mean - you only have love for him. Well, what it means is this: I like him a lot. I care for him and have feelings for him but I haven’t reached the state of being In-love with him yet!

I was concerned that I wouldn’t reach that stage since we have been together for several months and I haven’t fallen In-Love yet! So, I did the most predictable gay thing and broke it off with him because of my insecurities about my lack of complete love for him.

I did something even more wrong and hurtful… I tried to justify my reasons for not wanting the relationship by hiding behind a financial situation, the pain of loosing a cousin and the lost of my God Father; how stupid am I. I created the prefect disaster! I let him sail out on open seas right into the arms of my hurricane.

This big disaster is paramount and only trumped by the ignorance of its creator! How did I not see the underlining truth about my error in breaking up with my partner? It was bad enough that my partner asked me to give it a bit more time and see how I felt, but no, I didn’t want to hurt him and drag things on because it was uncomfortable, I told myself! DID I EVEN THINK ABOUT WHAT THE FUCK I WAS SAYING TO MYSELF! How stupid that must have sound to my mate! He offered up every thing in the book of love and I took none of them! I shot down every plan of action that could have saved us and my stupid ass!

I am a DICK! I was so busy being me that I never stopped to see about him when all the time I was supposes to be caring about his feelings; his heart! Today I couldn’t get him out of my head. Yesterday, I couldn’t get him out of my head. Even, now I can’t get him out of my head. Oddly enough - it was my ex boyfriend that seemed to have the answer I was seeking.

It was then that I realized that I didn’t want to loose him. I didn’t want to give up on us. I couldn’t give up on us. I was so afraid that if we gave it a shot and it didn’t work out that he could or would resent me for all the energy he invested in me and I don't think I could take that… I don’t think I could have been as brave and strong as he was.

I only hope that I haven’t done too much damage that things cannot be repaired. We must talk and come to terms with the differences between us. We must talk about what it is that each of us want from each other and how do we get there as a team. And I can only say that if he is willing to except where I am in my love for him and time give me time – I am beyond ready to except his hand and give us a chance at a beautiful life together.

Lets leaving all disasters in the wake of our sail.

QUOTES

"...Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand..." (The Velveteen Rabbit)

Wishing On A Star

I love this song... Its from my childhood. Its one of the songs that make me smile and remember what life was like when I was 7 years old and the year my sister was born! I hope you enjoy it also.

What I Cannot See!

To the eyes of man go with them the hearts of others that they may control the fate of the world. It is in these times that we can only believe in that which we cannot see; we must have faith!

Faith is the spirit that surrounds us and is indeed true and everlasting. Man my build, heal, cure and comfort, but man cannot build, create, or conjure faith.

Faith resides within, and it is mans ability to believe -- that we develop our faith, and it is only then that our faith can be seen!

Excited Sadness!

I am excited. I am excited that I am moving, however, my happiness and excitement has some at a cost; the happiness of those whom I call friend. I try to remind myself that I am not moving to far away, but deep down inside I know that even thirty minutes away can change the interactions of even the closest of friends. So, with all the excitement that I've felt today and days pass it comes at a cost... that being sadness, knowing that I'll miss those I truly care for and beyond.

- Endless Future II -

My passion for you is as deep as the deepest ocean.
My love for you carries me over mountains and into
the terrain of your heart. Your light brightens every
dark hour I've ever had. You contain the seeds of life
that allows us to grow. We both water the flowers of
our friendship. We past nothing nor take anything for
granted. My one time, lifetime, everything, friend. I take
all that you supply and give all that I'm able. I put side
my fears with your help. I break down wall so that we
can see. With your help, I will always be free, never
alone as far I the human soul can see.

- Endless Future -

I will hear you! Time, over time, over time, over time, and again.
When my nights are your days and your days are my nights.
I will stand at the shores and hear you through turbulent seas.
Your voice will reach my conscious soul and unconscious mind.
I will awake standing at the gates of our friendship with hands
open, awaiting your arrival. For our timeless days has just begun.

- Love, Why? -

I think we all hope to obtain love some day and hopefully by someone that truly loves us back. But, how can we ever be sure that the one we believe to be the love of all love is in deed that true love. Why do we want it so bad? The answer is, love can lift, motivate and remove burdens. Love can also crush, destroy, and even cause us to kill. So, why is it that we try so hard to find this ever elusive feeling; this thing that is the end all purpose of mate-dom.

I can say with certainty that I’ve been a fool for love and without the gratifying ending that so many Hollywood films depict. You know the one I'm talking about--with the loving couple that reunite at the end and live happily-every-after. In my mind, it would be the most spiteful of all jokes if the Gods placed love among us for their own personal entertainment. Can you imagine those narcissistic bastards sitting among the heavens watching us rip each other apart, beg for their help to find some reason to fall in love once more and repeat that cycle all over again? So I say; love, Why?

The World We Wish

The world can be a crazy and mad place to live in. The world around us challenges even the strongest and most noble of warriors. Many with the best of intent have tried to change the world and their attempts have been met with opposition, criticism, and even anger. Men and Women alike have put their best foot forward to achieve a world of reason. Many visionaries have perished, but not before sowing the seeds of the next generation of visionaries.

These new children of the world are faced with even more adversity than their predecessors. Todays children are born into a world of greater greed, war, global domination, and opportunities that distract them from the truth. This new front in which todays youth are challenged carries a burden unlike that of their fathers, which is all the more reason to be on their guard. For the children of today, the same sword that they wield in battle would be their undoing.

It is unto the children of today--that the fate of our people, our world, hang in the balance. So, who will stand with you? Who will face the guillotine to save the world from itself? Who will melt the world in their hands and to mold it into a world we wish to live in?

What is in the words of a song?

I have been blown away today. I don't think I can fully express what I experienced. I was searching for some music on a LA public radio station; KCRW. I usually listen the the archived Aaron Byrd show. A few weeks ago, there was a song by the group Little Dragon. During my search I came across this song and its video, which literally made me cry! I don't know how to explain it, but if you watch the video, watch it alone with no distractions, preferably with head-phone on.

The Discovery

Today I discovered that I may be a faun. Although, I lack the horns, and my body is not half goat; I feel very faun like today. Could I be goofy and say that I may be faun'ing over someone LOL... well either way, I type on my laptop as if it were my mystical flute and say unto you! discover the faun in you! You may have a better day or even week! :)

The photo is from another blogspot site... Please check them out. Great stuff.
YAXIN the FAUN

Why Do We Ingore The Pain

Pain is what pain does. That means pain's purpose is to hurt. I'd like to think that pain has a different purpose. But pain's purpose is to alert us of the things that are wrong around & within us. Pain is to let us know when we need to attend to something.

Pain is the ultimate guardian that warns us to take care of that which is scraped, banged-up,or broken. For too long we have ignored the things that pain us. We ignore what our bodies, our surroundings and evening our psyche complains to us about. Some of us, pop a few pills to mask what is really ailing us.

We ignore the pain of the heart just to keep a relationship that does not work and causes more harm than good. Some of us ignore the pain of other, we simply walk by and do nothing - sometimes thinking to ourselves, "I have my own pains". But one of the most troubling things, we ignore the signs of pain from our very own world -- We simply allow governments to say we need resources - resources that destroys our drinking water, the air that we breathe and the land upon which we live. The big question really isn't about the pain. The real question is, Why do we allow it to happen?