Sunday, April 25, 2010

In Need Of God!

I can hear the buzzing loud music from my alarm clock. I was already awake but I lied in bed longer than I should have. I looked over and the Alarm clock – read – 8:24am. I dreaded the idea of actually making it to my ten o’clock meeting.

Today was unlike most days… I woke up with butterflies in my belly. This usually happens when I know something was wrong or when I know that I was in trouble. I tried to relive this feeling of anxiety with a cup of coffee and it has about as much effect as a Band-Aid on a bullet hole.

I didn’t bother to wash-up, I just brushed my teeth. I jumped into my car and drove off an hour and twenty minutes earlier than I should have. 9 o’clock – I made it to my destination. I didn’t see their vehicles so I knew that I was early. I pulled out my keys and unlocked the door – I just wanted to have another look around before those so very final words would sit at the bottom of my belly along with the butterflies.

Two of my employees where already there… we spoke, I shook their hands and told them thank you. They looked surprised as if they didn’t know what I was telling them. It was true, they didn’t know. The door buzzer when off as someone new walked into the building; it was Jim, the founder.

With out words, I passed my keys and managers card over to him. He looked me in my eyes and said I’m sorry! I’m sorry that it had to end this way. You were the best we’ve ever had and it is unfortunate that it must end this way. Of course we will not dispute unemployment benefits for you… and it will go on your record as an indefinite layoff with a good reference for your next employers. I was mute and felt the sting of his word lash across my reality.

It was now clear… All the sounds around me came back into focus and I could finally discern the reality from the fiction playing in the foreground of my mind. I stood up not realizing that we had even sat down the talk. I bundled up my things and quietly walked out the front door wishing this morning hadn’t come. The rain made the moment even more surreal as slow moving clouds concealed the suns rays hampered my recovery. What did I miss!? How could I have been such a fool to not see the signs, I thought? It didn’t matter anymore. I had only one option left!

It’s funny how we always seem to turn back to God for comfort in our moments of pain, hurt, feelings of loneliness, or most importantly when we are lost! So, today I ask God, to help me through this period of being lost. I also ask that God provide me with a lesson from this failure and grant me the wisdom to not make the same errors in judgment again. I lastly ask that God show me a way, a reason to keep on moving ahead! Can you do that for me God??

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